Lead Time
Lead Time
What It's Like Being a Pastor's Wife with Alexa Ahlman
Ever wondered what it's like to grow up in the unique world of a pastor's family? This episode promises a blend of humor, candor, and valuable insights into the multifaceted lives of pastors and their families:
Meet Alexa Ahlman, who shares her heartfelt and humorous tales of life as a pastor's kid. From the fun and camaraderie with her brothers at church to the pressures of living in the "fishbowl," Alexa provides an intimate glimpse into how these experiences shaped her. Together, we reflect on our journey from high school sweethearts to partners in faith and marriage, offering a personal look into the everyday dynamics of a pastor's life.
As a pastor's wife, Alexa opens up about the joys and trials of supporting a high-energy leader in a thriving congregation. She talks about the satisfaction of witnessing our congregation's dedication to their spiritual callings and the complexities of maintaining personal relationships amidst spiritual warfare. We dive into the intricate balance of our differing communication styles and love languages, shedding light on how we navigate the joys and obstacles of our ministry and marriage.
Beyond the church walls, our conversation broadens to touch on balancing work, family, and self-care. Alexa and I explore the importance of intentional downtime, the evolving responsibilities of parenting, and the unique challenges posed by our professional environments. We delve into the critical need for a supportive church community, especially for children and young adults, and discuss our hopes for future leadership in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod.
Join financial expert Ralph Estep, Jr - Daily tips for balancing your faith and finances.
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This is Lead Time. Welcome to.
Speaker 2:Lead Time, tim Allman, here Today I get the privilege and I've been looking forward to this for some time. You know, a lot of times people think are pastors real people? Maybe I don't know, you've never thought that, but I think someplace deep in your heart you realize, hey, that guy that gets up every single week, every single Sunday, who does different things to bless me, he's really struggling with all the same stuff, their families, all the same stuff. And so today, to talk about the behind the scenes journey of being a pastor and a leader, is my awesome wife now of 20 years. This is Alexa Allman. How are you doing, honey? Hi, I'm good, this is going to be a good time. So one of the reasons and our camera is kind of wonky here, so we're just going to have a good time. We'll just focus on the more beautiful one here.
Speaker 2:A lot of times people wonder what is it like to be married to me? What is that like? It's kind of strange and one of the reasons, before you answer that question, because you'll say some uh, you know, hopefully, hopefully kind things, but also honest things. Uh, you're a pastor's kid, yeah, and I think that's one of the biggest reasons. We've had a lot of fun and a lot of uh, openness about what it's like the struggles of being being a pastor's kid. But let's like the struggles of being a pastor's kid, but let's talk about the beauty of being a pastor's kid. What did you love about being a pastor's kid, honey? Thanks for hanging out with me on Lead Time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is fun. Thanks for having me. I actually got a lot of attention as a pastor's kid and you know, as most people would think, you kind of they always talk about living in the fishbowl so everyone can see your life. Everyone kind of wants to know what, how your family's run and how you act and how, now, as a parent, how I treat my kids and how my kids are and. But being a kid, I actually really liked it. I thought it was fun. I loved that.
Speaker 3:But, being a kid, I actually really liked it. I thought it was fun. I loved that people knew me and I kind of felt known and I loved that people would give me hugs and just smile at me and want to ask me about my life, and so I thought it was a lot of fun. There was a lot of opportunity and my brothers and I definitely spent a lot of time extra time at church and instead of being upset about that, we would just have fun and explore and go hiding places and um play in the gym and we got like just to do fun stuff. So I liked it yeah.
Speaker 2:Same for me. It was just kind of home. Yeah, you were around a group of people that, yeah, they do, yeah, your dad is whatever, but I just love that people treated me normal. Yeah, for the most part, um, I, some, some pastors, kids kind of have the and this is a shout out to our dads and our moms but kind of that extra pressure. I never really felt that and I think if I had, I wouldn't have become a pastor. Did you ever feel like the extra pressure like eyes, like it's? It's shaped me to a degree, because all of my life, I think, has been kind of in front of people. But you just kind of eventually arrive at peace with that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And there's a vulnerability to it. Yeah, Anything. Anything more to say about any kind of the struggles of being a pastor's kid, and even even how we should treat pastor's kids today?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I never had the negative attention so I never felt the pressure of like I don't know living up to something or had high standards. So that was good. I felt very loved and cared for. So I think that's huge for our kids to feel or any pastor's kids to feel like we care about you and we want the best for you, you know, just like you want the best for your pastor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we, we haven't told the story too much about how we got got together. Our dads are obviously both pastors and I moved back to Lutheran High School and when I came to Lutheran High I was a freshman kid and you actually thought I was pretty because our families had been connected through our younger years. But you thought I was pretty much a stud, like I was. I had it all put together. No, you thought I was kind of a geek, didn't you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I was a homeschool kid geek, didn't you? Yeah, because I was a homeschool kid, I just remember that his hair was like the exact same as it was which is funny that now I do hair but that it was when I met him when he was like 10, and so I was like whoa, he still has the same haircut. I don't know why.
Speaker 2:That was silly but I don't know why hair has been such a big part of my and our story. You do hair, no, no, and I still, as a kid, I really liked, I really liked hair you take care of this hair?
Speaker 3:yeah, I know, is my hair an idol?
Speaker 2:I don't know if hair could be an idol. Uh, maybe, maybe, so I repent, maybe we like hair too much, so so no. But then we got together senior year and uh have been together ever since I. I asked you to Sadie Hawkins dance. No, you asked me. That's not the way it works. Yeah, but I wanted to sing that Reliant K song, sadie Hawkins dance, in my khaki pants, yeah, so why did you ask me out on Sadie Hawkins dance?
Speaker 3:It's kind of weird.
Speaker 2:I know it was our senior year Because I had been done by a lot of your friends.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you Because I had been done by a lot of your friends. Yeah, you had already dated my friends.
Speaker 2:Not for very long.
Speaker 3:It was January of senior year, so most high school seniors are like I'm out of here, can't wait to get to college. I was the same. I was like I'll just meet some guys there. There's no one else in this. We went to a small Lutheran high school, so everybody knew each other, everybody had dated each other like whatever.
Speaker 3:So anyway, his cousin, who was um, gonna go with one of my best friends to Sadie Hawkins, was like you should ask Tim. And I was like really why would? Why would I ask him? Like we were in the same group of friends but we never really like talked to each other that much or uh anyway. So I was like if you're joking and he's gonna say no to me, I'll be mad at you. And Tim said yes.
Speaker 2:So there, yeah, because you're amazing and you're beautiful inside and out thank you and, yeah, who knew?
Speaker 2:I mean, when you're a kid in high school, you're like I don't know if this is actually gonna work. And then we made it all the way through college and 20, 20 some years later and three high schoolers later, here, here we are. It's a. It's quite a ride. So, um, what's the best part? Let's move into ministry here at Christ Greenfield. We've been here 11 years and have seen Jesus do just immeasurably more than anything we could ask the seeker Imagine you said yes to go on this adventure with me. I wouldn't have, because the voice of the Holy spirit sounds like your voice. I wouldn't have gone on this adventure if it weren't for you and I wouldn't still be in this adventure if it weren't for you. So what's the what's the best part and the hardest part about being a pastor's wife, specifically in a very kind of dynamic entrepreneurial? There's a lot of stuff going on here. Um, best parts of as you kind of look at chris greenfield, you'll see all of that going on. What are you, what are you proud of? And then what's hard?
Speaker 3:um, well, for the church, I'm really proud of the people here and how on board they are and how, uh, just excited they were for a leader to come in. And, um, I knew on our visit that they needed a really strong leader and I knew Tim could do it. And that's where I just yeah, it was very evident that God wanted us here. So, uh, I'm not going to say no to God either. And so we came and, um, I am really proud of Tim and the leader that he is, but I'm proud of the congregation for allowing him to lead and for being in the army. I mean, like I really did feel like this is like an army here and everyone's ready to go. So like, give us the instructions and let's go.
Speaker 3:And so it's just been go since we got here. And it's amazing all the ministries that have happened and how uh, open the people are here to hearing God's voice and then to saying, okay, I'll do that, Because that's the thing is like you can want to do things but the action doesn't follow all the time at a lot of churches, and so I'm amazed with the action that people have taken after hearing the calling that God has put on them. And then Tim's awesome for saying go do that. Like if God's telling you that, do it. I think it's amazing, so that's great.
Speaker 2:What's the hardest part? Those are kind words, but there are also struggles. There's spiritual warfare, yeah, and we'll get into kind of that. But say a little bit about being just a pastor's wife in general in a, in a ministry like this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, uh, I love that, I love, I'm pretty open. So if you've talked to me, um, you know that I'll share pretty much anything with you. Um, I love when people want to get to know me.
Speaker 3:Uh, I love to get to know people too, uh, but there's it's been very rare that I question someone's motives on why they're asking me some things. They ask me, um, but I do know that a lot of pastor's wives struggle with uh, who do I trust to tell some of my own personal struggles to um, and is it a safe place? So I, I have not felt that here at Christ Greenfield. Um, I know that's very fortunate for me and I I am very thankful that I, I really trust the people here. Uh, they're very genuine, they really care. Uh, it is hard for me to keep up with Tim Um, as you can imagine, I, uh, he's like super words guy, as we all you probably would guess, and his love language is words of affirmation and mine is not, and so I sometimes don't like to talk and, uh, I am not the best about checking in with him on everything that's going on. It's like it's um, but because he always tells me, so I don't really have to ask.
Speaker 2:But anyway, I don't always tell you everything.
Speaker 3:He wants me to ask about everything. Well, and I won't tell you about everything, because there's some things you shouldn't talk about- no, I don't want to know everything for sure, but sometimes being married to this passionate go getter guy over here can make you feel a bit lazy and you're not lazy I know, but sometimes, compared to you, I'm like, oh wow. Sometimes I just want to like sit at home and not do something.
Speaker 1:But he's very scheduled.
Speaker 2:He likes to like what's happening now and I'm like nothing actually, so do you get mad at me when I want to have a plan for a day when there's nothing planned no, but I just want, like can the plan be nothing for like two hours just? Nothing it can't.
Speaker 3:I just need a plan for that yeah, you're gonna have to put on a schedule. Nothing. Leave alexa alone.
Speaker 2:No, I don't know because, cause it, I don't. Yeah, it's hard. Maybe we talk about turning turning the brain off, like how do you, how do we as a, as a family, just kind of stop and uh, yeah, I, that's one of the wrestle. I'm not a workaholic per se. Um, I have boundaries. You know, cause when I think of being a workaholic, I think of like it's never not that thing and it's I gotta do that thing I can. I'm like addicted to learning. I think that's the biggest thing, and I don't know if that's a true addiction, but like, if I'm just sitting around, you feel like you're wasting.
Speaker 2:I, I, yeah, there's something in it. It's not like legalistic, Um, you feel like you're wasting in the world. I guess that can be kind of overwhelming. Like I got a lot of interest in in health and wellness and, um, a lot of interest in psychology and philosophy, and and theology, obviously, and leadership in general and family systems, all these, all these kind of disciplines, uh, neuroscience, right that it. There's so much to, there's so much to read, and I think I'm running through like four or five books right now and they're all in like different lanes and for me that's invigorating. So to like just sit around, it feels like I'm, I'm not. I do like naps.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like a 20 minute nap is nice in the afternoon.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm sorry for being being me, but you, how do you shut it off? I guess?
Speaker 2:I know I just Cause you're more oriented around, like we got to. We don't fix our kids, but we have to work through things to help our kids thrive, and you're you're excellent in that Cause I just I'm reflecting self-awareness on the list I just gave. None of those things were like deep parenting to understand the soul of your kid. I think I think that's where I have more work, more work to do, cause parenting doesn't stop, even as our kids are moving into high school and college and beyond. You know so yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just, I don't know. I guess I'm just like hyper aware of their feelings and what's coming up in their life and I, I don't know, I want to help prepare them or prepare me for them. Like you know, now we're going through high school, so I I can get lost in my own thoughts of what's that going to look like? What am I going to look like as I'm mothering through this Um? What do I not want to look like as I am mothering through this Um and being a wife through this season of teenagers? It's just so different, um, but I can just get lost in my own thoughts. I also love listening to podcasts.
Speaker 3:I like and just like Tim, like podcast junkie but none of mine are political and um, I don't like that stuff but I love like I probably should have been a functional medicine person or something, but I just love yeah, I don't know. Um, I love psychology and uh supplements and learning about how our brain works and our bodies work, and uh, yeah, yeah. I'm on that journey right now.
Speaker 2:So you've been a cosmetologist for 23 years or something like that 20.
Speaker 3:Yeah 20.
Speaker 2:That's a long run for a cosmetologist doing hair and sometimes I'm envious because you get to be around nonbelievers. You've got young Mormon girls, lds girls that are on your team and uh, how do you see it as kind of your ministry?
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, it's tough because, um, I am probably one of the older people at my salon. I, I, uh am at a real I don't know fancy salon with lots of young girls. Uh, they come straight out of high school, uh, through a really cool program here that we have and, um, I would say I am, oh gosh, it's probably 90 to 95% Mormon so, and we have about 80 employees total. It's it's a huge salon that we have multiple locations and stuff. Anyway, um, I don't think I've had an assistant that's not a Mormon. So I work really closely with these girls all day long. They hear all my conversations with every client. Um, the girls all around me hear all my conversations with every client. The girls all around me hear all my conversations with every client and I make a point every day.
Speaker 3:There's a certain spot on my drive to work where I just stop what I'm thinking, listening to whatever, and I say pretty much the same prayer and it's just use my words today to like, show you. You know, I want them to see you and me, whether it's that I'm saying that I'm a believer, but whatever, by my actions, by the way I parent, by the way I tell stories of my kids or my family or listen to their stories or give them advice. That's just my prayer that Jesus will be shown. And I don't know if you know the Mormon culture, but they don't ask questions. They don't doubt their faith. They're not curious about other faiths. Really, I think they're kind of taught not to be. So they don't ask me a lot of things. So it's hard for me to inject my you know beliefs on them, but I just and that's why I just pray the Holy Spirit uses my words to somehow grab something in them, to wonder or be curious. Uh, the other day, my newest assistant she's only 18. And she just said what translation of the Bible do you guys use? And that's like I was like, wow, okay, let's talk, let's talk about this. So, uh, I was like, wow, okay, let's talk about this. So I know they hear me and I know they listen. A lot of them ask me how I can be doing this for so long, for 20 years, because they're already tired.
Speaker 3:It's a super exhausting job. I don't know if you've ever thought about your hairdresser, but it's really exhausting. You're like physically working your shoulders, your neck, yeah. So I constantly have knots in my shoulders Worst posture. If you ever talk to like a chiropractor or something they would tell you dental hygienist and hairdressers have the worst posture, like the worst just structure from what we have to do.
Speaker 3:It's emotionally exhausting because you're pouring into your client. I care about everyone so much. I remember things about their kids, their families, their sisters. They're just whatever they're going through and there's this connection to someone. It's just this psychological thing that if you let someone touch your head you really trust them. So you're going to tell them a lot and my clients tell me a lot, like probably more than they tell close friends sometimes, and so I don't take that lightly.
Speaker 3:I'm honored to have people in my chair that keep coming back to me. I love them, I pour into them and through my stories and anything I can share about our family especially having a husband being a pastor I know Jesus is there and they see him and they know that he's part of my life. So that comes up pretty easily and then I'm really creative. So most hairdressers that make it a long time and enjoy what they do it's an art. That make it a long time and enjoy what they do. It's an art. Every head I'm working on is a kind of a masterpiece, whether it's a haircut or a color or A blank canvas.
Speaker 3:It is and so and they're trusting you with it and so it's a big deal, and if you don't like it, you shouldn't do it and don't go to any hairdresser that doesn't like their job. But I love it. So I'm being creative at the same time, so it's a lot and I do feel bad when I come home and I just like spent everything there, so that's harder about my job more than anything is that I give it all away to my clients and I don't want to do that. I want to have the best of me, for my kids and my family, which I think that's. Everybody deals with that with their work.
Speaker 2:Well you yeah, I mean there are long days. Yeah, how, what's the role of well before I, before I get into personal habits and stuff like that um, self-care people's vocation out in the world with real people. You know cause I'm? I'm in the church bubble like all the time and I have to consciously find that place, whether it's a golf or coffee shop or whatever, to be around other folks. But we, our team's been thinking a lot recently about how you release and this is a very Lutheran concept you release all of the baptized in their various vocations and you take away kind of guilt and shame over not doing church work. No, you are the church. You're released, you've been equipped and you're going to be the hands and feet, the mouthpiece of Jesus as a spirit leads.
Speaker 2:And for those who sometimes feel guilty like I'm not always talking about Jesus, let me just flip the paradigm a bit. For you, your goal may be to run the greatest business possible and to make the most money possible. Why? So that you can give as much resources away for the advancement of the gospel, to start new churches, to reach lost people, to have word and sacrament ministry go forward Like there should be no guilt about that that is your ministry.
Speaker 2:And some people actually have the gift of giving. They've been given the Holy Spirit and they've been given a lot of skills to give the gift. This is in 1 Corinthians, chapter 12, that if you have the gift of giving, give generously, right. So for, for many of you out in the marketplace, do not doubt that that is that's where God has placed you, that's your vocation, that is your, your ministry, and then out of that you're able to give it away. But for those who are kind of high functioning, transitioning for those that are out in the world and then doing the best we can to raise godly kids, to release them out into the world as well, uh, talk about the role of your morning, kind of how you take care of yourself to get ready for for the day. Um, and how is that evolving, even as we get I'm not going to drop your age, but we're not as young as we once were, right, and the body kind of changes, yeah. So, yeah, anything about getting ready for the day.
Speaker 3:I love to walk and I really like to be outside walking, so we don't own a treadmill. We're lucky to live in Arizona where we can walk every day of the year outside. Right now it's been at five 30 in the morning because it's hot, but if, if I can get a walk in, oh, it just like feeds my soul so much Um.
Speaker 2:I like when I walk with you, or do you rather me not walk with it? I?
Speaker 3:know, I, I do, I like when you walk with me, um, but I don't think I would like it every day, not because I don't want to or I, yeah, but I, then I would need a walk by myself, like, so I, during that time I have a devotion I listened to. Sometimes I turn off everything and I just listened to the birds and, um, I always remind myself to like, look up and not just be looking at my feet, uh, which is one reason why I don't love hiking, cause you always have to look down, cause I don't know.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 3:I mean, I like hiking, but I just noticed that about that's true. You want to like look at everything.
Speaker 2:If you're on a path you can like look around a little bit more, yeah yeah, I know my, my feet are fine anyway.
Speaker 3:Um, I really like to look up at superstition, at the sky or whatever, and I just can talk superstition is a mountain yeah, superstition mountain.
Speaker 3:Um, I love to have conversation with god. I am constantly talking to him all throughout my day. I just know he's right there listening to me and I like to talk to myself, so I talk to him too, and that's just something I do. But I so I'll listen to my devotion and then I listen to something that's educational or that I'm diving into, and I love that Water. For sure, we drink water.
Speaker 2:Strength training we love to lift weights so important the older we get that we have to do that more everybody needs to lift weights. If you don't start, it doesn't have to be a lot even just like 15 minutes a day, three times a week you're even starting to walk with the weighted vest.
Speaker 3:Yep, you look kind of weird I'm one of those weirdos that has a weighted vest and I love it?
Speaker 2:what does a weighted vest do?
Speaker 3:oh, it just um, it's good for your bone structure actually to have. You would think the opposite, but it is really good for your bones. It makes them stronger, so, um, it helps you burn more calories too, so it's it's kind of like lifting while you're walking.
Speaker 2:Yeah all right, cool. Yeah, health and wellness is fun to talk about, uh, and I'm resisting the. I'm resisting gene therapy. Uh, right now, I wanted yeah, we're not going to talk about that, but there is some, some unique stuff out there in terms of in terms of genes. So so let's talk about, though, what unfortunately is in our flesh, in our spirit, and that's Satan's attacks. He doesn't live within us, but he definitely attacks, especially leaders, pastors, anyone who's trying to take kingdom ground. Satan is right there. So how does Satan attack our and probably every pastor's home, and what are our tools to defeat him?
Speaker 3:I think, and over the years, it's just Satan attacks our pastors. Like just know that your just is always lurking there and just waiting for like any just weak moment to get our pastors to get their kids, to get their wives, whatever it is he he's, he's on it like they're a target Right. So they want to go after the guy that's doing big things. So Tim's doing big things. So, like you better believe that he's going to try to attack our family. So I feel like you have to stay close to Jesus. I'm learning to pray over our kids even more. Like Tim and I, we always say like bedtime prayers with them. To pray over our kids even more. Like Tim and I, we always say like bedtime prayers with them, but just like even more to like just put my hands on them and like even I just say the benediction over them before they sleep.
Speaker 3:A lot of times, when they're gone, I go in their rooms and just like pray over their room and, um, the other day I was feeling a lot of uh, I don't know just darkness, uh, in one of our kids' rooms and I went in there and I turned on the Bible app and I let it play for like three hours I was like I'm just gonna play scripture in this room. I don't know, it seems a little. I don't know. I just was like that's what I'm going to do. And then there are a lot of times where I just turn on worship music and let it just play in our house, because that's what we need. We just need more Jesus everywhere. There's so many things going into our kids' heads, our heads from social media that aren't Jesus, that like I'm just going to try and get that in our family as much as possible in our house, in our minds, um, like in our cars, right?
Speaker 3:so uh, good yeah, that's, but he definitely, I think for us it's not anything physical, it's uh mental, it's uh in our heads and just know that he's. Your pastors are. Satan uses doubt with them and I know you feel that at times like who am I to do this? And, and I'm pretty positive, every pastor feels that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the the weight from time to time can feel like uh, uh, and I haven't. I've never had panic attacks and I don't struggle with mental health per se, but there have been. There have been moments, and it's not even around one topic, it's just like all of it that it is almost like uh, um, a heavy talk about the weighted jacket or whatever. It's like wearing a hundred pound weighted jacket, that it's only like.
Speaker 2:The Jesus story of my yoke is easy. My burden is light. That he has to kind of lift that and remind me that he's in control and that you don't have to be afraid. It's all the simple promises that we kind of have to go back to, stuff we've heard over and over again the kindness of God that leads us to repentance, the smile of Jesus the older I get, the more.
Speaker 2:It's not simplistic, but it is the simple truths of God's love for me and for us and for our family, and and that he has wonderful things in store for us, especially when he returns to make all things new and he's going to be with us. You know he doesn't remove us, but he's going to be with us no matter, no matter what comes us, no matter, no matter what comes, and so those promises that I and we, as pastors preach, like we got to have preachers that remind us, uh, consistently, and so, yeah, you're just, you're just preaching to my soul. Thanks, honey, yeah, um, yeah, kindness, what's the kindest thing that people can do for us? I mean, in addition to prayer that's, that's really really powerful, to be sure, but anything else, the kind things that members of the body of Christ do for you and for us as a family.
Speaker 1:Hmm.
Speaker 2:And we're not talking money here, all those types of things, we're talking friendship.
Speaker 3:Well, honestly, the kindest thing is for you to pray for us, I mean, but honestly like to come up and or maybe ask, like I want to pray specifically for one of your kids or for your husband, or like, is there anything I can pray for specifically this week? Or um to talk to our kids and to um, let them know that you care about them, and like, um, I don't know if this sounds weird, but like to thank them or me or Tim, just for um, following this calling, uh, maybe to I don't know, I, yeah, I don't, I'm uh, you know, not expect too much. I think, um, but yeah, I don't know, just an earnest prayer comes and just a kindness to let us know that you're caring about us and you know us as more of a person, um, rather than like giving you a service or um, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Just to get to know us, I guess.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Um, but then yet give us like personal space too. So I don't know, yeah.
Speaker 2:But then yet give us like personal space too. So I don't know. Yeah, I've been thinking about how to engage kids more, and probably because we've got three kids, it's like how does the culture of a church become so intentional about seeing kids, young kids especially, though, as we grow up into, you know, middle school, high school, young adult, college, young adulthood? I just heard that one in four young people between 18 and 25 have considered suicide in the last year, and that's unbelievable.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's unbelievable and the only thing I can. You know there's a lot of factors, but do they have the one or two people outside of their mom or dad, and maybe family, that see them, that care for them, that want to go? And you know, I'm thinking of Doug Lawler right now Doug is a member, a long time member in our church, and uh, the simple fact that he showed up to Kai's football games, that there's this wider group of people that that care about, care about our kid and want to see them on Sunday and and and I'm not just talking for pastors, kids, but just every kid would they be, would they be seen and engaged? When you come to worship on sunday, are we seeking those kids out and just sitting down and having and not, you're probably standing up, but just hey, before you go off and running with your buddies or whatever, just update me in your life like if that was more, uh, expectation for being a part of, and not just for moms and dads, but like the grandmas and grandpas we're blessed to be a part of, and not just for moms and dads, but like the grandmas and grandpas, we're blessed to be a part of such a multi-generational congregation. Just love to see and there's no program here.
Speaker 2:I'm not in my mind. I would always go. How do we like make this happen? How do we scale this out? I think it's just a heart cry, a culture cry, to say we must care for our kids, so that man we bust. The church should have those stats, those depressive stats. They actually, they're just the same in the church and that should, that should not be um, anything more to say to that though?
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, I think that would just change the culture to to have um teenagers like kind of want to come to church, or um come to church and have multiple people to talk to and um ask about their games or their sports or what they're doing, or um, yeah, it's awesome. I I would hope every teenager coming to church feels loved and like not just their parents care about them, yeah, so, yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2:Last couple of questions what are words of advice for folks who start to be friends with pastors and their families? How do you keep that connection and it not get weird? Because I'm just going to be honest, like sometimes it gets tough Like small group life. We've been blessed to be in a couple three maybe iterations of small groups and, and where it was difficult for me and for us was when, like oh, covid was just awful on so many levels and so many opinions and uh, and then going being a part of the small group was was I felt like sometimes boundaries were crossed and this is, if any of you are listening, you were a part of that experience. I love you and care for you and it's an honor to be your friend and and and pastor. Um, but yeah, any words of wisdom for kind of having healthy friendships in the church? Because a lot of times at the seminary they tell you well, don't, don't make friends in the church, and I don't think that extreme is healthy either. So what's the balance.
Speaker 3:I think it's hard. I think it's amazing for us. We're blessed that we have people that are in our church, that knew us before we were their pastor, that's true and those are just priceless relationships because they don't treat us like Pastor Tim and his wife. They treat us like Tim and Alexa, like fun. They remember what we were before, like kind of just all jobs aside, we're just who we are. So, and if we want to talk about it, we talk about it, and if we don't, it's no big deal and they're not going to hold it against us on Sunday morning. You know what we said or what we did or whatever.
Speaker 3:We could just be ourselves, and having that vulnerability with people is really great. It's more so when they try to give an opinion to us that they want us to take somewhere, like in the church and that's when it gets tricky or want to complain about ministry or school or like that just gets awkward. So, especially for me, because I can't do anything about it, like I I mean I can listen to you and I will count to like pray for you or um, encourage you to go talk to someone who can do something about it, but I um, I'm never like a pathway to Tim's ear for someone's um negative stuff. So, uh, or, I tried really hard not to be um. But friendships, it's so important to have them.
Speaker 3:Um, I think a lot of pastors are lonely, um, and I'm just so thankful that we have friends, that they do go to our church, but they are, they know us. Like you got to find people that just know you and um, seek them out and uh, great, if they don't go to your church, honestly, like that's fine, I think that's fine. Um. And family if you have family nearby, you've always got your family. They look, they know you.
Speaker 2:So a lot of our family has actually moved here over the last few years. Yeah, I feel so covered and um. So final question this is lead time and sometimes I know you don't listen to these podcasts, you got other things to listen to. But sometimes I get kind of fired up about various things and I try to be as diplomatic as possible, but sometimes my overly frank nature comes out and I'm sorry if that ever comes out at home too and I'm not as kind as I want to be. Um, yeah, you do so, that's good. But talk about the Lutheran church, missouri synod. I mean, we're both products of this body. Um, who? Who baptized you?
Speaker 2:Um did my dad no, your dad was a vicar.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Wasn't it Will Soane.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, will Soane. So yeah, shout out to the Soane family.
Speaker 3:In.
Speaker 2:Wyoming. Where's you, laramie Cheyenne?
Speaker 3:I was in Cheyenne, cheyenne, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That's where we came from and hopefully, where the Holy spirit is going to lead us into the future. But talk about 10 years from now. What would you hope? Our church bodies more, more like.
Speaker 3:I hope our church body has leaders who do ministry the way Jesus did ministry. I really think I don't know if I'm allowed to say this stuff, but um it's lead time.
Speaker 2:This is you all. See, we kind of say stuff.
Speaker 3:Uh, I think we have leaders that lead from a lot of fear and control and, honestly, like, as a leader, you, the ultimate leader that you're following is Jesus. So somewhere it was lost to follow how he led and he always led with love and it didn't mean he wasn't strong, he was a very strong leader, um, but there was more love, there was more, um, I don't know, seeking out people, um, and letting all come to him. So I feel like the LCMS right now is, um, in this, like fear, this like closed fist and this protective mode and, um, it's really sad cause it's it's really negative, it's a, it's a not a great feeling right now. Um, just from what I know and gather and hear, um, and that's sad. We want to be like, thriving and we want to be, uh, open to all who want to share Jesus.
Speaker 3:Um, I love the LCMS. I've gone to LCMS school my whole life. Churches married this guy, my dad, you know. So, um, I'm not. Obviously I could leave and go to a non-denom or what you know it would do whatever. I love our doctrine and I love what we stand for, but I feel like, as a from the top down, we need a little more following what Jesus did and the way he led, and I feel like we're starting to get a little pharisaical.
Speaker 2:So oh well, thanks for sharing what you think. I don't necessarily disagree and I'm praying that the kindness of Jesus would lead us to repentance. Satan is working on all different fronts, but, man, we've, we've figured out what it looks like, how to perfectly follow Jesus and we've got all the answers for engaging this post-Christian secular world. That's, that's the immediate moment where Satan just dives in and destroys, destroys us from the inside out, and that's why that's what I pray doesn't happen. And again, the shout out to if folks have, you know, different ideas about how we should be church today, then you've heard me and us talk about reach out and set up conversations. The word really, really works and we need to become more hospitable in the way we challenge one another to work toward the place of agreement.
Speaker 2:And people are not the people are not the primary problem. Satan is a primary problem. And then people not talk. People talking about people rather than talking about issues. People on diverse sides should be able to clearly talk about the issues, the struggles, clearly talk about the issues, the struggles. But there's kind of a gag order in effect for a lot of people who are making the systemic decisions and they're not like out front with everyday conversations. That's what we're trying to do in the ULC and with lead time and whatnot is just set up everyday conversations from people from various perspectives and contexts and let's work it out together and stay, stay connected, united to jesus, who is our, our head. So yeah, um, this has been fun anything more.
Speaker 3:Yeah, one more thing.
Speaker 3:Um, I had a friend that pointed out to me, uh, one time when I was speaking out of fear, and she and you should all find a friend like this or someone in your life, um, that can say to you hold on.
Speaker 3:What you just said was, uh, a doubt and a fear speaking and that's not Jesus speaking. And so I just that just stuck to me so much that she would notice that in my talking. Um, it was about a ministry thing and, um, I was like, wow, if everyone had someone to point that out, or if you have the insight to know that when you're speaking, when you have a thought that comes in and it makes you doubt, something out of fear, that is notesus, like that is just satan speaking, gibberish to you and telling you he doesn't want you to do something because it's gonna be jesus, right? So I just that's powerful and, um, we all need that. We all need to be like focused on whoa was. Am I speaking like from fear, because that that's not not Jesus, yeah, so hey, honey, you're a, you're a leader, and thanks for complimenting me so well.
Speaker 2:I I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing if it if it weren't for you, and so looking forward to the next I don't know 20, 30, 40, 50 years together, we'll see what kind of longevity the Lord, lord, gives us, but it's a divine adventure and it's an honor to partner with you on it. And to raise up. I mean, our number one calling is really to raise up our three kids. Number one calling is for to each other after Christ, and then it's to raise up, it's to raise up kids. So hope this encouraged you and pray for your pastor, care for his family, treat them normal and and treat their kids Well, pursue, pursue their kids and and pastors, wives, you have a huge, huge role in and taking not just taking care of the home, but also your voice within the congregation.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of people in our church body who have a lot of different views about women and their relationship to the church. I think one olive branch is like one way we get to connect is you do like, hold our house together? That's not like an old school thing, that's just the way it should be, you know, and thank you for holding our home so well together. So encourage a pastor's wife today and, uh, thank you for encouraging all of us. Honey, I love you. If people want to connect with you, how can I do so? This is my favorite question Can people connect with you? Are you connectable or not?
Speaker 3:Not really Right. I just I wish I was more connectable. I always thought like where are all the moms of teenagers? And now, being a mom of a teenager, I'm like, okay, they're like literally with their teenagers or their I don't know. It's so weird, like when you have littles you're with more moms and then once you have teenagers, it's like disappear.
Speaker 2:So I'm not as available.
Speaker 1:You can. You can connect with her. I'm at it.
Speaker 3:I'm at every kid's game, so if you want to come to my kids games, I'll be there. I'm on Instagram, but that's about it.
Speaker 2:Alexa Allman. I'm at church what, what's your, what's your Instagram?
Speaker 3:If people wanted to follow you. Alexa Allman Love, what's your?
Speaker 2:Instagram. It's just Adalexa Allman. Adalexa Allman Love it. It's a good day. Go and make it a great day. This is Lead Time. Sharing is caring, like, subscribe, comment wherever it is that you take in these podcasts, and we did it together in the same room, so I'm not sure how the video is going to turn out, but I focused the camera on you, which was the right thing to do.
Speaker 1:So you this is Lead Time Peace. Thanks, honey channel. Then go to theuniteleadershiporg to create your free login for exclusive material and resources and then to explore ways in which you can sponsor an episode. Thanks for listening and stay tuned for next week's episode.